One-Armed Piano Players Do Not Need to Play For Free in Iowa

This is a second post in which I identify a rumored law and research whether it exists. In an earlier post, I researched rumors that Iowa law prohibits mustached men from kissing women in public and concluded that no such law exist. Here, I investigate the rumor that Iowa law requires one-armed piano players to perform for free.

There are several phrasings of this supposed law. The most commonly shared version is "One-armed piano players must perform for free." Websites, books, and articles proclaiming this law's existence may be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. None of these websites cite any statutes or cases.

One book quotes the supposed Iowa law as stating, "A one-armed piano player may be seen, but not if admission is charged to view his performance." This looks pretty authoritative because it is in quotation marks and sounds a bit more like it comes from a law or case. And it's in a book, not just the Internet.  But, for what it's worth, websites sharing similar versions of this phrasing are here and here.

After searching through the Iowa Code and Iowa cases, I was unable to find any law or case that prohibits one-armed piano players from charging admission for their performances. The quoted, second version of the law appears in only one other website.

Based on my research of statutes and cases, I have concluded that there is no Iowa law that prohibits one-armed piano players from charging admission for their performances. As a caveat: my search was limited to the Iowa Code and Iowa case law. I did not search any municipal codes because all websites referencing this law claim that it is a state law, rather than a particular city ordinance.

If you, the reader, happen to find a particular case or statute prohibiting one-armed piano players from charging admission to their performances, I welcome you to share the citation in this post's comments. But I strongly suspect that searching for such a citation is an endeavor that is destined to fail.

It is Not Illegal for Mustached Men to Kiss Women in Public in Iowa

I recently came across this list of things about Iowa that "you probably don't know" on my Facebook news feed. The first item on the list caught my eye:

1. In the state of Iowa, it is illegal for a mustached man to kiss a woman in public. Shorn face PDA only please.

This "fact" reminded me of a recent post by Kevin Underhill over at the Volokh Conspiracy. He writes:

There are an untold number of “dumb law” lists on the Internet or in book form, but with rare exceptions the people who compiled those lists didn’t actually confirm they were real. Sure, it’d be kind of funny if a California town had a law against riding a bicycle in a swimming pool, but as far as I can tell, it doesn’t. Believe me, there’s no need to make this stuff up.

I began to wonder if that mustache law could be real. So I decided to put my legal research skills to the test. I started where anybody who cares about saving money and informing the public should - with Google.

I found no shortage of websites claiming that this "dumb law" exists. But common to all these websites was a dearth of citations to any Iowa statute. Websites making the mustache law claim without any citation can be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Although with names like omglaws, sodahead, and stupidlaws.com, I'm not sure why any citation is needed.

There are some citations out there. Yahoo Voices, Bored.com, the Date Report, and Crime Wire cite Dumblaws.com, for instance. But while Dumblaws.com provided several links to the text of some of the laws it listed, there was no citation for the mustache law.

Having struck out with Google, I decided I might as well take advantage of my final few weeks of Westlaw access. Searches of Iowa materials such as (kiss! /s mustache!) and even (kiss! & mustache) turned up no laws restricting the kissing activities of mustached men. A "mustache" search of the Iowa Code on the legislature's website led to a number of regulations on barbers, but no kissing prohibitions.

I'm going to go ahead and say it: there is no Iowa law that prohibits men with mustaches from kissing women in public. The law is fake and has gained a life of its own through the terrible power of the Internet.

To those who may argue that this law may be in a municipal code: the claims that Iowa law criminalized mustached men from kissing women in public are all claims about Iowa law, not some ordinance or municipal law of an Iowa city or town. The mustache law is often listed alongside examples of dumb municipal laws, implying that the mustache law is a statewide regulation.

I unfortunately cannot provide a citation for the claim I am making in this post. After all, I am arguing that a law does not exist, and I cannot cite something that does not exist. If anybody wants to dispute the claim I am making here, I welcome the commentary. But I would like a citation as well.